


Just Going

by C_Diva (thecollective)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Claire Ships It, Coda, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s10e20 Angel Heart, POV Claire Novak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:28:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3873913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecollective/pseuds/C_Diva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>rated mature for some big girl cursing.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Just Going

**Author's Note:**

> rated mature for some big girl cursing.

“So that’s it then? You’re just gonna ship me off?” Claire accused, stuffing the Grumpy Cat Castiel gave her underneath a pair of jeans and a jacket. She squinted at Dean, anger melting into something sadder when she saw the smile that quirked at the corner of his mouth. It didn’t reach his eyes.

“You’re eighteen, Claire. And it’s not safe around us. You know that.”

What she knew was that the Mark hid, throbbed, lived there, on Dean, under a thin layer of cloth. That it caused him to lose control. To hurt people. She knew it scared him, and Sam and Cas, and that they didn’t scare easily. She knew she didn’t want to leave, not when she’d just found and lost so much. She knew her mother and father were dead and these three fuck-ups were kinda all she had.

A sigh slipped from her lips as she zipped up her bag. She tossed it over her shoulder, silently daring Dean to take it from her. He acquiesced, but looked around the room to make sure Claire wasn’t forgetting anything. The table and counters stood empty, ready for the next wayward patron to breeze in and play house and pretend that some no-name motel in the middle of nowhere was home for the night. It didn’t matter that her entire life fit in a single duffel bag. Maybe it did, but she tried not to think about it.

“I can handle myself,” she said, praying Dean couldn’t hear the waver in her voice. “I can learn…” She trailed off. There was nothing to say.

“When this is all over…”

He didn’t finish his sentence either. Let it wander off into the sunset with hers. Claire figured she would follow those words out into the world, and perhaps, later on down the road, she’d come across some of the moments of joy promised to her and keep them, greedy, all to herself.

“You’ll be alright. You’re smart. Strong,” Dean looked at her, imploring. She wondered if he looked at her dad...at Castiel, like that.

It was fucking sad.

“You have the phone I gave you?”

“Yeah, Dean. I’ll be fine.” She smoothed her features, hid her emotions. She wasn’t sure if Dean believed her, but it didn’t matter. She was leaving, regardless. “I don’t need you to keep an eye on me.”

“Claire,” He paused. Looked at her and out the window at Castiel. God, those two were ridiculous. “You’re family.”

At that, she felt the tears begin to well up. She flung the door open and walked out ahead. She didn’t want him to see her cry.

Outside, they hovered, like mother hens or buzzards or moths, circling but never touching.

Claire felt sick.

Shame and fear and something like hope choked her, rising up like bile in her throat. Why were they doing this? Why help her?

The hood of the Impala felt warm underneath her and, when she closed her eyes and raised her head to the sky, Claire imagined she was already far away; on a beach somewhere warm and sunny. Maybe she’d ditch the babysitter and head down to Florida. Get a job. Leave all this behind and start over.

Or maybe she’d stick an angel sword in every Grigori she could find.

When the car lurched underneath her, Claire’s eyes snapped open to see Sam sitting next to her.

“Happy belated birthday,” he said as he shuffled his feet beneath him. Claire wondered how anyone so tall could possibly be such a badass and yet look like someone had kicked his puppy.

“Don’t tell your...don’t tell Cas or Dean, okay?”

Sam held his hand over hers and, when she placed her palm underneath his, he slid a shiny credit card and ID into her palm.

“What’s this?”

“Some money and a fake ID, what does it look like? We take care of our own.” He raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes but felt her heart swell.

“Thanks, Sam.” She snorted at the name on the card.  “Joan Mitchell? You guys are such dorks.” Sam smiled at her, all earnest and open. She couldn’t help it. Claire kinda liked the guy. “So, what, this is some sort of halfway house for wayward girls?”

“No, not at all. Jody Mills is good people. She’ll give you a place to crash til you get on your feet, it’s not forever.”

“Will I see you again?” The question slipped from her lips before she could swallow it down. Before he could answer, she pushed forward. “You said sometimes, death isn’t always goodbye, right? So goodbye isn’t always forever?” _Don’t forget about me. I need someone to care. Please care._

“Right. Take care of yourself, Claire.”

Then he was gone and something flared inside her that made Claire want to scream at the top of her lungs.They were so stupid! For sacrificing themselves for a greater good. For putting strangers above their own well being. Why couldn’t they let themselves be happy? Take what they wanted, instead? After everything they’d seen, the monsters they’d killed, the family and friends they’d lost, they continued to fight not only to save people but to atone. The realization pained her, to think these assholes could have had something for themselves if they’d only be more selfish.

God help her, she admired them. Even Castiel, who gave up heaven and everything he’d ever known for humanity. Who would stand by the Winchesters and fight until his last breath. They saved people, as a family, and even though Dean was psychotic, Castiel was a dweeb and Sam was a credit card thief, they all were, ultimately, good men. Maybe she _would_ go with their friend and learn the business. The life didn’t seem so bad. At least she’d be helping people. She’d research, train and then, when she was ready, she’d find Sam, Dean and Castiel and, if they’d have her, she’d help. The resolution lightened her and Claire felt better with a solid plan. Well, not solid, but at least for the next few months.

When Dean approached her, all smiles and presents and jokes, she resolved to be strong and to go where they sent her, but not because she had to. Because she wanted to. It seemed that the destiny of the Novaks was intertwined with that of the Winchesters and Claire was strangely alright with that. 

“Are you gonna be be okay?” _I’m here for you. I want to know you. I care._

“Me? I don't know. But I will keep fighting. I'll keep swinging until I got nothing left.”

“Will you keep an eye on him? He’s been through enough.” _He cares about you. He needs you. Without you he has no one._  

Claire wanted to reach out for him, to comfort him in some way, after all they’d done for her, but she didn’t know how. Anger and resentment swelled in her, the grief at seeing her mother only to lose her in minutes threatened to overflow. She couldn’t help Dean. Not yet. First, she needed to help herself. Claire silently willed that somehow, Dean and Castiel would find comfort in each other. That one day soon, those two idiots would finally figure it out.  

The taxi cab rolled up the long, gravel road, stones crackling underneath tires, leaving a cloud of swirling dust behind it.  Dean went to the window of the car to slip the driver a handful of bills, read the man’s name and license number off the display in his window, and let him know they’d be coming for him if anything happened to the girl between Tulsa and Sioux Falls. She turned to go and saw Castiel moving toward her.  

She used to think he looked like her father. Now, she could see the little differences. He may have her father’s face, but the mannerisms were all wrong. Jimmy Novak never squinted or ducked his shoulders. His hair had been different and and he only wore a trenchcoat when it rained. Castiel’s voice and his smile didn’t look like her dad’s and, when she threw her arms around him in an impromptu hug, his arms didn’t circle her quite like her dad’s would have. Still, she closed her eyes and, for a moment, imagined it was him. That this was her chance to say goodbye. She poured all of her sorrow, love, regret and hope into the embrace and hoped that Castiel understood that she cared. He had come for her, looking to make up for his mistakes. Perhaps she could learn to forgive. Perhaps she could learn to move on.

As the car pulled away, Claire did not look behind her.

“Going home or leaving home?”

“Just going,” she answered.

 


End file.
